Happiness

The Circle Presents on 6/12/2024: 

“The Happiest”

Happiness is only an internal realm that if/ when you cross you will be rebuilt and unstabilized. The happy realm stems from self-love, awareness and patience. The keys of a fundamental new life. Many characteristics are changing amongst people and the best or I should say the only consistency is them. If you know how and who you are, you are able to master your awareness and bring it to a stable place of love and wealth. Many people may look at wealthiness as being a celebrity…I ask of you to go deeper. What if you can create your own sound?

I know of many individuals that retired from the music industry, some may know them as one hit wonders. There is a saying, ‘ the music industry is cut-throat.” This dynamic is unpredictable and unsettling. Folks may remember times in their lives where one thing turned out well and if you tried to do it again it just did not work. I guess it’s like having a toxic partner. The toxicity feeds off of everything natural, so taking this now labeled toxic couple into public let’s say at a fine dining restaurant, unfortunately they would feed off of the graciousness and energy of other people around them, even the atmosphere. It is sad when we think of the importance of protecting your energy…I am at a space of why would I have to? 

Let’s stay on topic now, moreover  the individuals in the fine dining establishment who are not toxic would typically feel restless, annoyed , something such as food or drinks may be incorrect and they may actually get into an argument with who they are there with. If you do not know how to protect your energy, here is a good place to start: 

How to protect your energy 101

1. Pray, meditate, deep breathe - taking a moment inward to yourself can actually stop you from reacting to other people ( start doing it enough- it will become natural.)
2. Find a hobby- find some space that is unique to you and enjoy yourself. 
3. Speak to someone about what you are experiencing. It is overwhelming keeping emotions and un-good emotions to yourself, allowing yourself a break can make strides in the right direction. 
4. Get a good night sleep- sleep is the only way we can feel recharged and ready for a fresh new day

The four steps above are easier and simpler if we just do them. I know some of us may not be in thinking space to just deliver positivity all the time, but imagine you are the folks dining and you feel you did not deserve your energy to be tarnished from other people. We cannot help something we cannot see and prove yet we know it is still possible. How about we take the strides to get to know yourself, value your opinion and maybe speak to a trusted friend about your night out. Do not allow your feelings to bottle up inside and formulate into something that is not you. It is okay to say, “ Hey friend, I was around a lot of low vibrational beings at supper yesterday and it made me feel super lazy/fatigued. How do you think I should recharge? Now given this is a mature response but if we follow the steps above how we communicate with other people makes a difference in what they see from you. 

I live with my mom currently ( not for long I say) but her husband is quite a toxic person. Yesterday he came and tried to fight me. So I was working on material and I heard him go in the kitchen and yell and complain about the dishes in the sink. He said something along the line sof , “ those kids you need to let them go or they do not clean up after themselves.” He said it yelling and abusing my mom verbally. I went into the kitchen and to the dining room and to my mother I asked, "Are you gonna let him talk to you like that.” She responded that nothing he can say can bother me. I ignored her statement and went to him saying he needs to watch his mouth in my mom’s house and start respecting the only life leg you have left. Her husband is highly on narcotics, I think he has a drug of choice which is crack but moreover he indulges in all hard drugs. He was definitely blasted yesterday where it was not a usual alcoholic or marijuana high. So her husband tried to fight with me at first calling me a “ bum, a broke black nigger bitch” and so on. This rhyme and reasoning became increasingly disturbing and I wanted to record him. He tried to push forward to my face. Let’s remind you that I am pregnant too. I did not put myself in harm’s way by ending a conflict. Some may say if my mom did not find him wrong I should have never intervened sadly enough, my mom is a victim of emotional, verbal and physical abuse from this man. She bought the house last year with assistance from myself and siblings. Unfortunately her husband is sleeping and has been sleeping on a leather couch in her office and has not changed for a year. His drug problem has been concurrent since we were younger. The old house which my mom moved out of , was his home where my mom paid more than half the bills but the house he left it with mold everywhere, rats, broken walls, holes , pee on carpets, and feakle-back in closets. He expected us to praise him. The house I described was a home my siblings and I went off to college in and we vowed never to return again. I was living with my now partner about four years ago and the process for my mom to get on her own was not easy but I feel offended and also ashamed and embarrassed for my other to continue putting up with this stalker. He is on disability and does not care if people are working or studying, he would flip off the wifi for hours and like to argue, the abuse has gone on long enough and will not occur to my mother in her own home she is paying the bills for. My mom says she feels bad for him and they are not together. He has nowhere to go but his father’s home who will take him with a blind eye. Unfortunately, this man brought a family of rats into the new home and also non-stop judgemental headaches, where he would laugh at my sisters and I to his family members, now folks are believing he is the problem  but he hides his drug problem. I filed court proceedings and even called the cops on him to report him. The cops and fire department came because it was not the first time this man threatened me. When the cops came ( over 4 times) they smelled heroin. My mother would try to hide and say do not bring the cops but I should not feel a buzz from what he is indulging since I work from home. 

That is a little bit about trauma and background to why this man thinks he can do what he wants. I posted him on Youtube and tried to get him professional help and as I do I hope his family members ( his dad) can wake up because I am even ashamed for being present with him now but I know and from what I was hearing, he was abusing my nephews, tied his leg to a rope to stay on the bed so I had to return home because I could not live in peace if folks could not see what peace meant for them. I tried to get my mom help but she doesn't want it. So as I bypass his demeanor and abusive acts I have been communicating with public forums and organizations in regards to help for him and to spread awareness on drugs in the Black community. Drugs made this guy abusive, ignorant and bashful. I do not know who he is but I know he needs drugs to co-exist. 

I know this is s a lot to discuss and to traumatize about and if no one will help defend my younger sisters or my mom what is family if I do not try. I do not want to fight a crackhead , I make poisonous swords, axes with steel blades, I have in the home for a  zombie apocalypse  but I would use them if I have to since he was reported many times. 

Sad words despite what I have overcome, I am more concerned with being left alone in the house with him alone because cops were called many times. Her husband is involved strictly in the streets and he communicates with people that he stated, I should be prostituted against and uncomfortable scenarios. I agree my mom knows another side of him but all I see is blackened terror and no forgiveness. I can still say I am at peace. I know I will be in greater peace in my own home yet somehow I know I need to be present at least because I think I need my mom before I become one. I am also learning to trust myself and do not allow other people to get the best of me.

There was a lot of turmoil I explained and I want to state it seems worse than what happened due to me having to live this experience or ones like this my whole life. I know it is not normal or okay for a grown man on drugs or not to be abusive and to startle a kid who is working with him screaming at her mother. 

I cannot stand him nor do I know how to love him as a dad again. I will not try to explain that relationship because he completely ruined it. And as a mother, I know he would not be around my children ever. 

But, for now, I am helping myself and my mother gain insight and have inner peace where she is able to love herself again and truly get rid of this dirtbag. But, I know if people do not see the wrong they will not change. 

Is she de-sensitized or just happy with bullshit! 

Just for hah hahs, I had to calm down, so I stormed out of the house and I took a walk. I seen like four dead birds I were thinking about putting in his throat but I remembered I have a man so I called him and he was off-putted and I calmed down and walked back. I picked up huge rocks debating should I smash his car windows. I then removed the rocks shortly after and happy I stood up for myself ( because he screamed so loud to get me out of my space) and very happy I had a second plan to disrupt his finances, car ( to get drugs) and his mouth.( with a  dead bird)