Joying

The Circle presents “ Joying” on 6/7/2024 

The concept of joy is a part of the miraculous way our lives seem to unfold. One day we are living in your car, the next we are being told we are going to be a father. Joy comes when we least expect it. As we dive into the concept of joy, I want you to focus on what brings you joy. 

I first felt joy when I was able to overcome bullies. When I was younger I used to pick my scars. Let’s say I would get a mosquito bite and as it hardened I picked it and picked it until I still have 35 plus scars to this day. I know why but it took me 29 years to know I experienced anxiety. My anxiety stemmed from school feeling left out due to me not being sexually engaged. Following that, I was fair skinned for a Black girl which comes with confusion, isolation and naturally being picked on from boys and girls.  

I actually avoided physical fights in school but I had my fair share of conflict ( verbal) maybe screaming and when those moments occurred I felt myself losing pieces of me. 

Although I had to stick up for myself and what I believed I knew fighting/arguing was going to get me arrested or worse expelled, so I didn’t. I allowed myself to feel the pain physically. Self- endurance is a hard pill to swallow so I advise if you have any physical tension from other people, even big conflict in which you feel you cannot handle, maybe look into professional help.

We are not made to make excuses or to even fight. Our bodies feel more tension and embarrassment from exploding. I can tell you my trends as an adult were, over eating, over loving, overspending and over cleaning.

I had to become vegan for four years just to strain my consciousness. 

I took deep meditation courses and subdued to work for extra spending money to invest in myself and talents. I bought mics and made myself sound cloud famous. 

I struggled with acknowledgement as a child and when I made my mark I felt big enough or at least like myself ( more like myself). 

As I began to target my life, I realized I was actually a whooping ass in school lol. I danced a lot. I teach my nephews to have an “ elevator dance” in which we protect our space. We are not in competition but in school I made sure dancing & writing were my specialties and most people in my highschool “ acknowledged” me for dancing and even dancing for no reason. I  performed as the class’ mascot, I determined many playlist and a routine for the class senior year. I was projected as an independent dancer. I realized that protecting my innergy ( energy) with dancing allowed me to feel accomplished, a sense of making my mark. I am proud at my digestion of highschool because I think to this day the former bullies would acknowledge me first if I were to see them today and actually greet me pleasantly. My joy came from standing up for myself by going inward. I did not allow my challenges to defeat me but looked for ways I want to be known by doing what I do best.