The Circle presents “Judicial Standpoint” on 6/6/2024
Why do we get news and its neither important or effecting us? We are a circular hub with a transitional direction of a diameter. We will continue moving around and around in a circle. There are points in our lives in which we must celebrate and there are points in are lives in which we are down more. What does this look like for us individually?
As I hopped on or should I say down the spiral of darkness, “ the unknown”/spirituality, I learned I am better off listening to myself internally than other people around me. True Story, I lost everything by listening to the sun. So in 2020 maybe summer of 2021, I moved out of my home my partner and I shared and moved back with my parents. I am still learning or chaptering the lessons from losing or giving up everything. I know personally and deep down I did not want to move with him paying the bills entirely due to my family’s nosiness and down emotion towards me like I am not woman enough. I also knew we lived with each other for 4 years and we only argued about my work. So I could not live in a place where happiness was sometimes. My partner was so jealous at my studious job at University due to the amount of students I was counseling and mentoring and probably the side comments about me to. A light skinned woman who is curvy is not going unseen but more of an exotic attraction ( everywhere in the world) Believe me or not that is my downfall. Everywhere I go there is a jealous stare or an anonymous smile. I am always noticed despite my stature. I know my partner wanted me as a wife and a mom. We tried for three years and we failed with miscarriages. So I knew I wanted to be with him forever. I listened and when he raised his voice he was only curious about people and things that happened “ unknowingly.’
For example, we had a beautiful two bedroom apartment given to us by the University. We had a beautiful private back yard and it was stunning, one of the best homes I lived in and it was free( all included). My partner still to this day is upset about a rock with the word “love” painted on it being left in the back. It could have been students traveling back there, one of my students in the building or an admirer. He and I still have not disclosed the rock lover. But I told him one day after the snow melted I saw it. Some real Sci-fi stuff lol, like I did not know where it came from at all. He proposed my job in authority as if “ you are the director you should know and if you do not know I need to leave you type of conversation.” Now, my partner is a very strong, jealous sexy man. And I would not intentionally harm him. I know his meaning well and was concerned if I was seeing somebody let alone a student. But, we all have many trials in our relationships. No relationship will work out seemingly perfect or if you ignore the good stuff!
After we left the college into our own place, my partner was the one in charge financially. I did small work like part time counseling and door dash during the days for extra cash but lived pretty extravagantly. We went out, we chilled, we loved and most importantly we were together. I know deep down there was some other stuff going on that we did not discuss. And as we got deeper into conversations it became hostile. I never wanted him to argue with his best friend. I know he feels the same especially in a place we have to finally pay bills for. So after the much heated arguments and the drunken nights, I decided to leave. My life turned sour but I gained sobriety, personality and the cause of our distraction. Being at home, my partner moved back to his family’s home too. Now he is out on his own and we speak everyday and spend time mostly on the weekends as if we are dating all over again.
The plan is for us to move in with each other with no distractions. But the relationship as a whole did not change me nor I him. I love that about us. So nobody nor path is perfect. I am judged constantly due to people not knowing what happened or know if we are still together, WE ARE! And we have more understanding than usual. I know he is not happy about our drifting matters but I promise it was worth it when there is better communication.
In a situation similar to mine, I would say avoid what you cannot do and focus on the small changes. I would not tell anyone to move back in with parents but I won’t force something not to click either. Both opinions matter. I think whatever way to gain understanding is key.
There are sectors in life we meet one another and the better the grasp the deeper the understanding, love and ambiguity.
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